Im 17 years old and last december was faced with the dilema of going ahead with my unplanned pregnancy or to have a termination. there was a large part of me that wanted to keep the baby but a small part that was telling me that i was too young and not ready for this huge amount of responsability. i am not passing the blame of my decision onto anyone but i had a huge influence to get a termination from one of my parents because she did not want the shame of this on her and her family and kept telling me that it was for the best. My mother rushed threw the consultation process by continuously calling up the clinic to bring my appointment forward to give me less time to make up my mind for myself. i was still unsure of my desision as i was taken threw to the clinic to have my consultation and as nurses examined me and talked over what was to follow i felt sick and doubted very much that this was what i wanted. after the consultation i tried talking to my mother to tell herthat i had made up my mind that i was going to keep my baby but all that she answered back is that i was just being stupid and this was for the best.
the nite before the procedure i cried at the thought of loosing this feeling that i had when i held my stomach - a feeling of joy and happiness, that i had created this life that grew inside me. I woke up the next day and pleaded that i didnt want to go threw with it but it was as tho it wasnt up to me anymore - as if that was what wass happening and there was no going back. As i drove to the hospital that morning i was sick several times. my heart was screaming out to me not to go ahead but i was too weak to stand up for myself. I can remebering lying in the hospital bed wishing that i could just run out of the door and to face this on my own but still i was too scared. as i was taken into theatre a nurse reassured me that everything was going to be o.k...but that was far from the truth. I woke up soon after and it was all over! that feeling that i had treasured the nite before was gone. i cradled my stomach and started to cry wishing i could just have it all back! I was then taken to a recovery room where other girls where too. they also had just had an abortion that day. I heard a girl cry uncontrollably in a bed near me - i too felt her pain. To this day i still have those regrets of going ahead with the abortion and as it is coming up to my due date this month i am finding it so difficult to cope with what is now only a memory. My advice to anyone who is unsure about having an abortion is to not to go ahead with it because if you do then it could turn out to be the biggest mistake of your life and there is no turning back! .
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